Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
