Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
