I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She told me I should be a condom model.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
