the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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