i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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