i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
