Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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