the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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