Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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