Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
