; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you will always have a special place in my vag
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
