My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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