Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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