please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
