woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
