Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
