No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
