He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
