I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
