Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
