And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
