maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
