Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
