my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
