I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
