ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
