so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
