sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
