dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
