Acid is not a monday night drug
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
