I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
