Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
