i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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