What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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