The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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