he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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