When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
