It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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