fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
