Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
