smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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