You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
