She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
