I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
