ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
