i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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