my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
