Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
