apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
