She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
