I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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