real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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