Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
